Ow

So they didn't give me the most difficult horse. I got Wolfie, otherwise known as the BFG.

I had forgotten how much hard work riding is. I mean, all you do is sit on top of a horse, it can't be that hard can it. Within 10 minutes I had to take off my fleece. By the end of my lesson I was seriously sweating (sorry, possibly more detail than you need). It was fun though. I was pleased that it all came back, more or less. I thought after 15-20 years I might have forgotten it all. But I managed to steer, to go faster, to slow down, basically all the important things. The only thing I had forgotten was how to get off, which was a minor problem when we got back to the stables and there were loads of children and mothers around.

But boy, do I ache today. Not too surprised about my back and neck (I need to talk to my osteo, either I am going to do some serious damage or it will help strengthen everything and it is worth getting through the pain) but didn't expect the inside of my thighs to be so sore.

A Biblical Rebuke - West Wing

Whoops, Not Me

So tonight Gordon Brown has said that this should be an end to the age of irresponsibility. Can you Labour supporters just confirm something to me? This age of irresponsibility would be the same period as the end to boom and bust wouldn't it? This age of irresponsibility would be the decade that Labour, and especially Brown, have precided over wouldn't it? This age of irresponsibility comes from a political irresponsibility that leaves us all wondering what tomorrow may bring.

CJ Does "The Jackal"

It's In The Timing

So I have taken "A" riding every weekend for the last 6 months or so (barr 2 I believe). I have watched her riding. I have remembered the days when I used to ride. And gradually I have thought I might quite enjoy doing it again. Not a light decision, it is probably about 15 years since I last sat on a horse. Today I booked yself a lesson next week. And then about 15 minutes later stuck my nose in where it probably wasn't wanted. Up until now I have kept quiet about being a vet. Really didn't want anyone to know. Today I saw soemthing that concerned me, you don't need to know what, just it presented a risk to the horses and I have had to treat horses for this problem, and it really isn't nice. So I told them. And explained I was a vet and hence concerned.

So, what is the betting that next week I get the most cantakerous, difficult and downright nasty horse they can find?

Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

What Was That?

Yesterday they announced that texting while driving is more dangerous than drinking or smoking cannabis. I view this as good news. If I stop texting then I can have a can of lager with me when I pop down the shops.

Hurricanes

Too shocked to post anything profound. The guy who lead HBOS to disaster, who is responsible for thousands of people losing their jobs, is getting £2 million worth of shares. Somehow that just doesn't seem right.

I have to say I am also concerned about the competition commission ignoring this deal. I already have some major doubts about the competition commission anyway after their handling of vets, but this seems ludicrous. In normal times we wouldn't let this go through but now it's OK! Lloyds must be laughing. Because in a few years the dust will have settled, the credit crunch will be over, and then Lloyds can use their massive share of the market however they want. They say it's an ill wind that blows no-one any good. Lloyds and Barclays are making sure they reap the benefits, and I somehow doubt they willl ever reap the whirlwind.

The Question

On the drive home from work I was able to catch a bit of the comedy slot on Radio 4. Recently I have been too late to get it, but today was a nice change. So I was listening to "Mark Watson Makes the World Better" (or something like that). Anyways, he was talking about humility. He commented on having been on "Mock the Week" and for about two weeks afterwards people look at him as thought they recognise him. Then someone actually comes up and asks "Are you famous?". He followed this up by saying "the answers in the question really isn't it, I mean, if you have to ask, it's a bit like asking are you a horse?"

While some of you will wonder why I bothered with this post, I can promise that any member of the Support Team is now rolling on the floor laughing. I nearly crashed the car.

All For One

To me it seems one of lifes no brainers. The Gurkhas, these brave men who would lay down their life for a friend, and many of whom have laid down their lives for Britain, should be allowed a home here. I can think of no reason to deny them. And yet we continue to deny them anyway. We should be ashamed. And the reason put forward is that they have no strong links to the country. A country that their friends and compatriots died for. My respect goes to Joanna Lumley for fighting their cause. It seems so incongruous, these wizzened old men along side this tall blond woman, but she knows her father would have died had it not been for these men.

I hope they win, they deserve it.

Some Days it's Best To Live To The Max

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

A Challenge

I suspect my comments about Liverpool have insulted at least two readers, Nearly Time and Rainbow Dreams. I can't apologise for not liking Liverpool but I feel that they are perfectly entitled to their opinions. Therefore I need to extend an olive branch. So, I lay down this offer to you both, take me to Liverpool and show me what I was missing.

Lectures

I remember at university how the lecturers always used to complain about us sitting near the back. They always demanded we moved forward. One of the first conferences I went to once I moved into industry was the the Association of Lecturers and Researchers annual congress. I was amazed how many of my old lecturers I met when I was there. Imagine my surprise when I went in to the first lecture of the day. All the people I had known complain about the students were, in fact, sitting at the back of the lecture hall, with plenty of space at the front. I so wanted to tell them to move up!

Bookworm

Ferry Cross The Mersey

I could be accussed of prejudging Liverpool, I would accept the criticism. I may not have had open eyes and therefore only seen what I wanted. However.....

On the last night everyone else was going to a posh dinner. For reasons too long to mention (but mainly due to the fact that I had cried off at the last minute for the last 4 years so my mate wouldn't buy me a ticket) I was not going. I decided to go for a wander to find something to eat. It took me longer than I expected. I was really looking for a pub meal. A pie and a pint would have hit the spot. But it seemed I had one of two options as far as pubs went. One option was to take part in kareoke, the other was to be surrounded by old wrinklies. There seemed no nice pub where I wasn't either going to be deafened by out of tune singing or to have my pint ruined by a pair of false teeth dropping in it. I finally resorted to what considered itself to be a restaurant and grill with home cooked food. Afterwards I decided to wander a bit more. This isn't unusual for me, I often decide to wander around cities I don't know, not knowing where I am going. I have to say the last time I felt this certain I was going to be stabbed was when I had been led into the depths of Marrakesh and hadn't seen a white face for two hours.

I found my way to the Cavern Quarter. It sounded the right place to go. Well, there must be over 15 clubs all with the windows open, side by side. The noise is deafening, and the company dubious. I went into one club, drank one drink and hastily left. I wandered further. I finally decided that a retreat was a good idea when I came across two ladies standing in a doorway only wearing dressing gowns. Now I'm generally fairly naive but even I realised what they were up to. I returned to the hotel with no desire to come back.

Coup

A few days away with little time for TV or papers and I get back to fnd rebellion in the wings. Having to sack people for saying there needs to be a leadership election doesn't strike as a position of strength. Whenever Gordon feels that things must be at there lowest then more bad news seems to come along.

Indigo Girls - Power of Two

Scouting For Girls - The Airplane Song

She's a strawberry Milkshake
She's as sweet as a peach
But she's ice cold
She never told me, she was leaving
She left on a Friday
I went out for the day
She left for the year
She never told me she was leaving

So get yourself on an airplane cos it's been far long since you went away
Get yourself on an airplne cos it's been far long since you went away

She's so extradinary
She left last Janurary
And that's the reason I miss you so

She's a messy creation
She hit the road but the road hit back
Nobody told me your an Island
I would wait for a life time
I've been counting the days since you left away
Nobody reaches her Island

So get yourself on an airplane cos it's been far long since you been away
Get yourself on an airplane cos it's been far long since you been away

She's no extradinary
She left last Janurary
And that's the reason I miss you so

So give me a chance
I want you to know
I wont love you and leave you
And then wont let you go

I'll either sort myself out
Or somebody show me the way

And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows

You gotta give me a chance
And say you'll come home
I won't love you and leave you
And then let u go
Your always hard on your self

And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way
And nobody knows the way

No body knows the right way

And Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away
Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away
Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away
Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away
Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away
Get yourself on that airplane cos it's been far since you went away

She's no extradinary
She left last Janurary
And that's the reason I miss you so

An Experience

So Liverpool has never been high on my list of places to go. I have always thought it likely to be rough (and this is someone who went to uni in Glasgow). After 4 days here for a congress I would have to say all my preconceptions have been fulfilled. At its most basic, a hotel that requires three bouncers (not doormen, obvious bouncers) does not shout "class".

Once, Then

I remember her,
And though always there,
It is the moments
Between a dream
And the day
When my hands
Are tracing shapes
In the air,
Stroking her body,
A form
Carved of nothing,
Fingertips
Tingling
In a simple response
Of where her legs lay,
To the beat
Of her heart,
To the gentle
Smooth
Desire,
To caress
A beauty
Lost to a memory

AARRGGHH

Some days the little things just add up so much that you feel like breaking something!

Alligator Brought Down By Dogs

Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida

Don't look at the picture if you are squeamish or recently had lunch

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and 'survival of the pack mentality' bred into the canines. See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator.

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING

Where

My Boy Lollipop

This isn't my favourite photo in the world but, to be honest, most of my pride has gone long ago. What you see here is me, ready to go on shift, with a MLDU (or Mobile Lolly Dispensing Unit). Traditionally "D" has done a wonderful job of making sure our team get some sweets while they are on duty. It is a fantastic job and involves trying to find them throughout the night. However there was an evening when "D" wasn't going to be able to do this. Rather than let the team down she provided Zippie and myself with these rather fetching devices which are zip up lolly holders, mine a pink dragon (that goes so well with my top) and Zippies a white cow with big pink lips. And in the true spirit of the evening we did wear them all night and use them to provide sweets.

However, on the last night we were supposed to wear them again. Now, I must admit, when I thought we were going to deal with some rather out of hand youths we did take the MLDUs off. I really did not feel that it would have exuded the level of authority we were aiming for. Sadly, once the issue was dealt with, we forgot to put them back on, I don't know how that happened.

Splash

The idea of weekends for me is to be able to do things with "A". It makes up for some very late nights at work. When the weather is wet and miserable it is harder though. Yesterday afternoon we were a bit devoid fof ideas. I knew "J" wanted to see Mamma Mia so I suggested they went together. While I didn't like the idea of not being a part of it, at the same time I recognised it is a complete chick flick, and it in no way makes me want to see it. At the last minute I almost changed my mind and went with them, but I really couldn't face it. From the reports I think I made the right choice.

So today "A" wanted "J" to take her swimming. She is trying to learn how to dive to the bottom of the pool. I was invited. Now, I have to admit, this did not fill me with enthusiasm. I enjoy swimming, but I really mean swimming, not playng in the water. I thought of not going, but I didn't like the idea of two things this weekend I wasn't in on, so I went. And had so much fun. "A" really didn't do a lot of learning, she was too excited having me there ("J" distracts her at riding, I seem to distract her at swimming). But we played around, I swam with her on my back, I swam with her on my front, she leapt in and splashed us, she got cold water to pour on us. All in all a nice way to spend an afternoon.

And The Lyrics

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Whos waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

A friend on Facebook sent this song to me. I hadn't heard of The Script before but have gone and bought their album immediately.

Baby Boom

I'm going to be voting Bartlet when it comes to the US elections but I am still following the current goings on with a degree of interest. I am mystified by the media response to Sarah Palin though. She seems to have been vilified by the press. I was trying to work out why. As far as I can tell it comes done to the fact that she has a 17 year old daughter who is not married but is pregnant. There are times I want to scream "none of your g.d d..n business". This is not an issue that the media should be dragging up. What, is it supposed to show that Palin did a bad job raising her family? Supposed to show she has no morals? Well, I can't see how it makes any difference to her ability to hold the position of Vice President. In one respect it shows that there are a normal family, faced with the same challenges that face every other family. Not everything goes perfectly, that's life. I am much more worried about a President who supports war mongering than I would be a President who has an unmarried mother in the family.

Couldn't vote for Sarah Palin though, her voice is so screachy!

Sweet Calm

Tonight could be
About snatching
A glimpse of ecstasy
Of leaving the world
To fend
For itself
While I rest
Satiated
In someone elses arms
Silence the mobile
Switch off the pager
Ignore the email
And for a time
Unspecified
Reduce it all
To a pleasure

And yet
So rarely
Could be's happen

Rags to Riches

I don't understand football, never have. Rugby, cricket, even ice hockey all great. But football never interested me. So I don't understand everything behind it. But I have recently heard the numbers being thrown around for the transfer season. How is this justified? Something like £104 million changed hands yesterday, with a single player being bought for around £35 million. These seem like truly obscene amounts of money to me. I cannot get my head around it. I think about what that money could do if it was put into society and it makes me sad. I firmly believe that there should be a capping system to keep the price down. Down and to a respectable level.

Tall, So Tall

It was "A"s last day of the school holidays. "J" had to go to work so I took a day off. What to do though? Hmm, dilemma. Well, after much soul searching I decided on Drayton Manor Theme Park. The only thing was, would "A" be big enough to go on the rides she would most enjoy. Some were definite no's, but would she pass the 1.2 metre height limit.

I don't think she could have been any closer to the limit, it must have been milimetres, but, to my relief, she passed. Well, when I say relief, that may not be quite the right phrase. This meant that we could go on the "Apocalypse". Let me quote from their description on the site: "Takes riders to a height of 54 metres and tilts them forward at an agonising 15 degree angle as they are hoisted skyward on a half ton launch shuttle. Then they drop at the mercy of gravity at over 4Gs." My daughter of 6 thought this was a good idea. Not once, not twice, but three times she made me do it. Strangely the first time was the easiest, it got worse the more I knew what was coming. To go on the ride three times she had to be measured five times, because looking at her they couldn't believe that she was tall enough but, despite my silent pleading, they let her through in the end each time.

And she made me go on the log flume thing twice. Description: "With a 180 degree platform that sends boats backwards down an amazing 9 metre drop! Launched in association with the RNLI, it recreates a lifeboat rescue and features three spectacular drops at 3Gs and a speed of 35 knots. " I have never known a flume so wet. I was absolutely drenched. "A" was OK because she basically used me as an umbrella. I have to admit I bought one of those plastic poncho things but, in my defence I simply wrapped the camera in it, I wasn't going to wimp out and try to protect myself!

The picture is "A" on the teacup type things that spin around and around. She also discovered the Waltzer (which we had to go back on immediately).

By Name

So a visit to my osteo today. It's a regular thing, I generally need to go about every 8 weeks or things become very painful (as opposed to a fairly constant low discomfort) (although sleeping in a tent on the ground actually seems to have helped). Anyway, sometimes I have loads to say, sometimes my mind is blank. Today was a blank day. Until I mentioned that she hadn't accepted my friend invite on Facebook (for which I don't blame her, who wants to bring work home with them!).

Anyway, she said she didn't remeber seeing an invite from me. I explained that the name on Facebook would be Merlin. This then lead to having to explain why. Followed by a very happy twenty minutes explaining the names of all my Greeneblt friends. Which seemed to keep her amused and took my mind off the crunching sounds in my back. And having explained many names (Zippie, Guilty, Squeak etc) I thought, you know what, we really are a weird lot.

Here, I Want A Word With You

Greenbelt doesn't have a very high level of hierarchy, but there is some. At the top are the FOMs, one of which used to run the Night Security team in the days when I was on it. Chief Tonka generally commands respect (while GB is a safe place, last year a fight really broke out, out of a crowd of around 17000 people the two protagonists managed to be standing next to Chief Tonka which meant that a) they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and b) it was over quicker than it started).

So this year Sweetcorn and Staples were trying to escort some lads off site who didn't have wrist bands. Well, I say escort, it was more shepherding them as the lads were a reasonable way ahead. Sweetcorn was looking for some back up in case the lads tried to leg it. I was actually nearby in the 4WD (did I mention I didn't get it stuck in the helicopter field) but she didn't know I was closing in on the situation. In looking around she saw Chief Tonka. Recognising him, and wanting to call on his skills, she uttered the now legendary lines of "You'll do, come with me". The look on her face ten minutes later when she realised what she had said was priceless.

Beep Beep

In a sense of equality (did I tell you I didn't get stuck in the helicopter field while someone else did?), I feel I have to admit to some car related issues at GB. The first is relatively simple, the 4WD tonkas we use have flashing lights on the top, I don't think I have once managed to get into one of the vehicles for the first time and then not need someone to come and show me where the switch is (thank you Stick).

The second is a bit more embarrassing. Driving around site is quite difficult at times. There are a lot of pedestrians who seem to forget that it is generally a good idea to stay out of the way of cars. Road safety for many seems to go out of the window. The tonkas we have often don't have great all round visibility, they are functional vehicles and the back is usually a hard top with little window. So every year when I start using them I am, shall we say, cautious. To be honest, for the first couple of hours we would probably get places quicker if we were on foot at a brisk walk. After a while I get more comfortable and pick up speed. There was a precipitating factor this year. It wasn't that there was an emergency. No. What made me think that I needed to pick up speed was being overtaken by a golf buggy and then in less than a minute being undertaken by another one.

Mud Glorious Mud

Even without being there I am sure you can imagine that camping at Cheltenham racecourse got a bit muddy this year. And the helicopter field was especially so (so much so that a certain leader of the site crew got a 4WD stuck up there, have I mentioned this already, well worth mentioning again, I drove around on a number of occassions with no problem, he had to be towed out). The muddiness was further compounded around the utility points. While GB has come on in many ways since the old pits in the ground for toilets, it still seems strange that the water from the wash areas is allowed straight on to the ground rather than being piped away. Even in a dry year these areas become treachorous. And, by the smell, I suspect some of the portaloos leaking didn't help either.

Anyway, on the last night we had gone up there with one of our teams to sort out a few things. Once sorted it was time to head home. I had parked near a utility point, to make it easier to see the car (fire crew may take some hints here, it helps avoid losing your vehicle). I got in the drivers side. Sweetcorn was on the other side of the roadway, wondering how to make it through the mud (she isn't tall). Rector started his car and came our way. Sweetcorn sensibly stood to the side to let Rector pass. He drove on, but as he did his tyres started slipping in all the mud. There was a revving sound, followed by a splashing sound, then he was gone. Leaving in his wake a Sweetcorn covered from head to foot in mud. I don't think she appreciated my laughing.

Aw

I looked out of the window and saw the empty day-glos on the line. I had a moment of sadness.

A Fleeting Moment

You know what, I don't think I do badly on TV. The journalist told our PR company that they could put me up live.

Deep Fried Everything

A WHO report released today reveals some quite shocking statistics. While we expect life to be shorter in foreign countries such as Africa, we learn that even in the UK there are major differences. If you live in Calton you can only expect to make it to 54 years old, live just over 10 miles away and you gain almost 30 years.

It is lifestyle, but how much of that is choice. Do people eat deep fried mars bars, take drugs, abuse alcohol out of choice? Is it what they are taught by their parents? Or is it a lack of self-respect because society doesn't let them know that they have value?

I went to university in Glasgow. It would have been easy to go to church in the more respectable areas. In fact, while it wasn't Calton, I used to go to one of the rougher, poorer areas. I didn't do enough there, but at least I saw with my eyes. I met some of the most genuine people it has been my fortune to call friends.

I remain committed to my beliefs because I believe that conservatism is about trying to bring everyone up to the higher level. But, you know what, I don't care what your political background, we have to find a way to all work together to stop this.

Listening

One more GB thing then that's it for the night (you cannot begin to imagine the sheer joy of a decent bed and shower again).

GB is very busy for me and I get little time to see what I would like. And I certainly don't get to think about what I don't know. But on Monday I got over to the grandstand early. I needed coffee and something to eat (midday is breakfast when you work our shifts). So I had some biscuits and my coffee and decided to sit on the grandstand steps while I ate and drank. This meant I could here Pete Rollins in Talk 2. And I listened. Wow. Sometimes something hits home. And this did. In many ways he was voicing my beliefs, but managing to paint them into a picture that I could understand better. I cannot do it justice. But it was about how we would only find paradise, find god, find peace, when we stopped grasping for it. That rather than trying to fill the gaps with God we need to accept the gaps and allow God to be elsewhere. That what was important was how we lived our lives every day rather than on a Sunday. He had some fantastic quotes, but unfortunately I couldn't get the name of who he was quoting. Stop making doing things an excuse for not managing to do anything. Reflect who you want to be.

Here You

It was a quiet year. In many ways not as many stories as in previous years. But still I had the most chaotic, the most relaxed, and the happiest time of the year. I love the moments that my team make happen.

Chief Tonka used to run the nights team when I did nights. I have a lot of respect for him, not least because his day to day job involves carrying a rifle. I hope that I have managed to learn something from him over the years. I freely admit to being somewhat in awe of him (not a feeling I have for many if I am honest). So imagine when I find that a team of mine were trying to evict a few young lads from the site. They were escorting the lads (or possibly shepherding them) in the right direction. Sweetcorn felt that a bit more presence was needed. She spotted Chief Tonka and, in her words, shouted "You'll do, come with me". He has even more of my respect because he did. She has my respect because she wasn't intimidated by his position.

Splurge

GB was a bit wet this year. The grounds are fairly good and can dry quickly but repeated showers/drizzle/hurricanes meant that it was never quite dry enough. Certain areas got a bit boggy (possibly aided by the bogs overflowing/leaking etc). Helicopter field certainly suffered. And the roadways became treachorous in places. Luckily I have had training on driving in mud so I managed to make it through on the countless occassions I decided to take a tonka around the camping site. Unlike some. Who I would hesitate to mention, but they have a blog. Who needed a tow. Who got stuck in the middle of the camping area. Oh, did I mention, they beached i!

Missing You

Not that we get withdrawal symptoms or anything of course, but in the last 24 hours Facebook has lit up with new groups related to Greeneblt with photos and everything. All basically saying, had a great time, wonderful to spend some time with you, look at x looking silly in this photo. There are too many of us that wished most of life was Greenbelt.

Stop Right There

Once more, on the first night, we had to make a sweep of the Helicopter field to check for any bad people. As this event was described last year I do not have to go in to detail about the golf buggies etc. However it is worth recounting the journey back to the grandstand. Four golf buggies travelling in convoy left the field and headed down the lane, carryingpproximately 20 stewards in day glos and other official looking clothing. Half way down the hill are a group of youths coming towards us. As we get closer we see that they are carryinh a No Entry sign. Which should be at the end of the lane! I think they had the greatest shock of their lives when they realsied they had 20 stewards descending on them. They must have thought this the most tight security ever. And I bet they didn't nick another thing all weekend. 6 out of 10 for effort on their part, but definitely 0 out of 10 for timing.

?

Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we
Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we Can we ?

Onward

16 golds. He's really worried now. Accusing us of cheating. Something about only winning when we are sitting down, but even that has been confounded today. National Lottery coming good and, before Gordon takes all the credit, remember who started it. Seriously though, the sailing and cycling teams have done a fantastic job, all credit to them. Now it's just a question of where to buy a GB shirt for him to wear.

Shiny

I have a bet with someone at work. He's an aussie. Before the Olympics started he bet me that if the UK got more golds than Aus then he would wear an England cricket shirt. If Aus got more than the UK then I would have to wear his aussie one (again, I had to wear it when we lost the Ashes). He was strangely quiet today.

The Dark Knight

It's really quite a while since we have been to see anything over a "U" or "PG" rating. We had a chance tonight and went to see "The Dark Knight". I have to say I am amazed it got a 12A rating, I would imagine it would give any 12 year old nightmares.

It continues in the darker model of Batman Begins. Gotham City itself is not dark and brooding, it is a normal looking city. And strangely enough that leaves more room for the characters themselves to be dark. Which they are. Heath Ledger does a fantastic job and it is possible to see why the role might have got to him. It is relentless. There is always tension which never lets off. Just when things could wrap up there is another twist. The Joker says he doesn't plan, and that comes through the film, it is unnervingly erratic.

To be honest I can't quite decide if I think it is a good film. I suspect it is. I have problems with any film that is part of a series but has inconsistencies (this was an issue I had with Casino Royale). You need to divorce this film from the earlier Batman films in your head or it doesn't make sense. Like Batman Begins it doesn't go for a feel good factor either, so there is a slightly empty feeling at the end.

Mastermind

Stretch your brain cells and give this quiz a go. I tell you my score if you tell me yours.

Monday Paracetamol -Ulrich Schnauss

It may not be Monday but the rest of the name seems apt since I am now missing two wisdom teeth.

Ping

Get Creative

Should you be looking to write a book you may need some help with metaphors, similes and the like. Always ready to serve, here I give you some suggestions:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in anothercity and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

{These are reportedly gathered by USA English teachers, which I rather doubt}

Ow

Two wisdom teeth coming out tomorrow. I can ill afford to lose them. For some reason don't really feel like blogging.

Bang Bang

While I find the situation in Georgia worrying, I can't begin to understand where Bush gets off telling another country that they shouldn't invade somewhere they disagree with. Has he not noticed where all his soldiers are. He can say that Russias actions have substantially damaged their standing in the world, and not recognise what his own countries actions have done.

Violence is an ever decreasing circle. The US showed the way by ignoring the wishes of the world (bar the UK) and invading other countries. If you claim to be the moral leader of the world then don't be surprised when others follow your example.

England Won

So we won the test match against Soouth Africa. Yes we lost the series but at the end we came true. I still think more men should have been dropped, and there is a long way to go, but the early indications is that Kevin Pietersen has knocked some sense in to them and, more importantly, knocked some fight in to them. They didn't fold, they didn't bottle. A good start.

Puff

Two news items in the last week, both relating to smoking, at opposite ends of the spectrum, but both showing how intolerant a society we have become.

Incident 1 - One morning a woman is pushed from a station platform 2 minutes before a train arrives. She is pushed because the day before she asked two young men (I was going to say gentlemen but that would clearly be wrong) to stop smoking. As it is illegal to smoke on the station this can't be considered a bad thing to do.

Incident 2 - Ofcom receives complaints because Marco Pierre White is seen smoking on his TV programme. The fact that it is after the watershed, and therefore no impressionable children should be watching, doesn't seem to matter.

I find it hard to believe that anyone could consider pushing someone off a station platform. To come close to murder becasue someone asked you to stop doing something illegal. But not only is the act itself shocking but society hasn't all spoken against the thugs. Oh no, a number of people have derided the woman. Asked who made her station master, who does she think she is, why can't she mind her own business? Comments that give credence to the act and encourage further acts of violence.

But intolerance also in condemning a TV programme for someone doing what is a common act. Smoking is not rare. Granted I don't like smoke in my face. Granted I don't want my food to smell of cigs. But he wasn't cooking. It just happens he smokes. Normal behaviour. And not something to condemn someone for.

A society that can no longer see the other point of view. No longer recognise that we are individuals. That we have a right to our view. A right to live a life and to express ourselves. Not a society I can be proud to be part of.

Light Showers and Strong Winds

So following the holiday my arms, face and legs are brown. Only thing is I can't work out if it is a tan or simply weathering.

Holiday

So. Back from the holiday. Mixed feelings. Some of it good, some of it bad. Dartmouth can be wonderful, but the rain doesn't make it the most inspiring place on earth. Then add in a 6 year old daughter who doesn't seem to be interested in anything at the moment.

The first half of the holiday was tense (that might be an understatement) as we tried to find things she would enjoy. Just ended up with a lot of falling out and arguments. I really don't know if it is her or her parents! She generally has the attention span of a peanut so we were trying to find things to excite, and failing. It actually became easier in the second half when we realised that, despite the fact that for most things she seems to need a constant adrenaline rush, she was happy to do crabbing for hours on end, and that really was all she wanted to do. I haven't yet managed to reconcile a child who is always on the go with one who can spend three hours crabbing, but that is probably one of lifes great trials.

I did however find one thing that made her smile. And it had speed. Yesterday we went out for a rib ride. you know, one of the solid hull inflatable side type boats used by the lifeboat guys. Very fast. hitting the waves, launching into the air. Coming down with a bang. Tears from your eyes the wind was so strong. And she smiled and laughed the entire time.

Enclosure 44

I wish I was going up to Edinburgh in the next week. It is a long time since I have been to the fringe, and I would like to do it again (although I prefer Glasgows Mayfest), but I would really like to see the latest exhibit at Edinburgh Zoo. Enclosure 44 - Humans has a dance troup in one of the enclosures (previously for beavers) and they are lspending approximately 7 hours a day there.

As far as I can work out there will be some set pieces, like feeding time and a set dance each day, but most of it will be ad lib, the dancers reacting to their audience.

This is potentially quite amazing. Some time spent watching and thinking could tell us so much about ourselves. There are definitely a lot of lessons about how we treat animals and what we expect of them, but I suspect it can go deeper than that. Thinking about humans in the more abstract so we can consider how we interact together, how we try to find dominance in our lives over others, what we looko for and what we consider important. Worth a trip I reckon.

Oh I Do Like To Be...

It could not have been more british. The day is grey, occassional showers, strong winds. So we go to the beach Now I was never a fan of the beach when I was young. It hasn't grown on me at all. But this weather doesn't help at all. I was just amazed at how many other people were also willing to put up with it. Grit teeth, smile, and pretend to have fun.

Eat Here

Simple message.

Res Nova, Dartmouth. Great food and great atmosphere. Make a detour and give it a go. You won't regret it.

England Lose

Watching (or listening to) England attempt to play cricket is a painful process. The only thing that you can be sure of is that the players will consistently underachieve. And, strange though it may seem, losing to South Africa today was possibly a good thing. It means that the selectors really will have to look at the team. And with rather better analysis than this match where they dropped the one person with form, Stuart Broad. Had we won then we would have heard all the platitudes and heads would have been buried in the sand.

Some people have to go. And the selectors have to see passed the fact that certain players throw in the odd century when their career is on the blocks. We would be better with a team who can repeatedly get 70-80 runs each, than a team where individuals get a century every once in a while to keep their place.

So out should go Vaughan (what use a captain when he can't score), Collingwood (sorry, the second innings was great but it doesn't nullify the rest of the season), Flintoff and Strauss. I possibly think even KP should go. KP is great, he is an exciting player, and if he is surrounded by a reliable team then he is a potential match winner. But the problem with exciting is that those players also get out playing the great shots, and without any depth to the team we can't take the risk.

There have to be other players out there. It must be so frustrating for David Sales and the like to be watching this slow motion train crash and yet be repeatedly overlooked by the selectors.

Time for the long knives.

Bust

My "Recent Comments" sidebar seems to have become corrupted. I can't find the script. Does anyone have it? If so, please send it to me. Thanks.

Stinky

Dunhill have a new fragrence called "London". That so doesn't inspire me. So, what, it smells of taxi fumes, cigarettes and stale beer with a mild sprinkling of vomit then, does it? (Guess where I am tonight).

Realize - Colbie Caillat

6 Feet Under

While the plight of our honey bees is no laughing matter, developing foot baths for them is a mind boggling approach. Anyone who has had the joys of trying to get cattle or sheep through a footbath will know that this is no easy task. They will do everything they can to avoid it. They push they're herd-mates forward. Once they have to go through then they will hop through in order to avoid putting all their feet in. So exactly how bee keepers will convince their chares to use a footbath is rather mystifying. They seem to be forgetting that the bee can fly over it.

And I have a nice little image in my mind of the bees all putting on little pairs of wellington boots to keep their tootsies dry.

Simons Cat

Play It

Guess The Song From The Graph

One Sentence

This is an interesting website, where people submit one sentence stories from their life. Some are really quite amusing;

However this struck home:

"Before I was a parent I never could have imaged that one day I would own both a horse and a saddle that are worth more than my car."

Not that we have bought "A" a horse but it a constant question. The best she is going to get for now though is a pair of jodhpurs. (But I must admit to being proud that she is now advancing to the next class, which has the added bonus of an extra half hour in bed for me on Saturday mornings before taking her to the stables).

Squeeze - Up the Junction

Three Strikes and You're Out

The defeat at Glasgow East was a bitter blow. But certain politicians have to live up to the facts, face reality. I am not sure that Labour MPs saying that Brown "is the best for the job" is actually inspiring. OK, yes, it's obvious that I am not an natural Labour voter, but come on, if he is the best the party have to offer then there is a problem.

The blame is being laid at the economic downturn. But I reckon if you want to be seen as being great because of the positive financial years then you also have to take the bad. You can't simply say anything good is because you were the worlds best chancellor and then anything bad is not your fault.

In fact I think that any financial situation is because of decisions made 5 or more years ago. The financial market doesn't turn overnight , it is a juggernaut, an oil tanker that takes time to turn. I believe that a lot of the positives that Brown takes credit for are actually things that the Conservatives set in motion. I also think that has to be scary for any party hoping to win next time, because the legacy you are left with is a dangerous one. This is simply a result of some bad choices he made a while ago. And that is why he can't see how to respond. We are floundering because of his core values.

Hallelujah - kd Lang

Faster

I can understand why Dwayne Chambers is trying so hard to get into the Olympics and why he says he will still try for 2012. But he is wrong. He was caught for drug abuse. It is right that h should be banned from sports most noble competition.

It is also hard to look at thim winning now and not to wonder. After all if he can win without drugs then why was he taking them in the first place. If he couldn't win without the drugs then how is he managing to do so now. Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting is quite another. Any performance he gives will always be tarnished by a question mark over how he has achieved it.

Bruce Cockburn - Candy Man's Gone

Lyrics | Candy Man's Gone lyrics

Meep

And The Award Goes To.....

A week or so ago we had a call from the school. They suggested that we might like to make the end of term prize giving as "A" had won something. To maintain some mystery they wouldn't tell us what. However the best that we could think was that she would get the "Effort" award.

One advantage of a 6 year old is that they don't "do" suspicious. So on hearing that daddy was going to attend assembly "A" did not think that something was up. She simply satated that she wouldn't be getting anything. This isn't quite as defeatist as it may sound. "A" accepts that she is one of the youngest in the year. As a June baby this is the price you pay (I was July and recognise the problem well). So there are older kids who can often do more (although she is on purple level in reading which is very advanced).

So we turned up and went in to assembly. Why, o why, can't primary schools get adult sized chairs! Is it a surprise that adults come in and want to sit down? The experience of my knees around my ears is never something I am desperate to repeat. And, I have to say, the problem with school assemblies is that they are packed with kids. Anyway, I digress.

So the kids all said hello, "Hello Mrs B, hello everyone" (Mrs B being the headteacher) and I was most disappointed that the parents didn't say hello back. Then the kids sang a song (again disappointed that the parents couldn't join in). Probably almost got thrown out because I was laughing at the finger pointing to the lines on the overhead projector, I so wanted a bouncing ball. Even better when they had to split, one half singing one verse, the other half singing the other verse, so it needed two pointing fingers.

And what did "A" win. She won the art award. Which is really sweet becaus it is a mini Oscar. Don't tell "A" but I think they got the wrong child. But it was lovely to hear her name announced and the reason she got it was attention to detail. And to crown it all, she went up, shook the hand of the teacher presenting the awards (from the upper school, gosh we were priviledged), then Mrs B said "that was really polite "A", wonderful manners" (no other child was praised for their manners).

OK, officially proud daddy.

Badly Drawn Roy

Baggy Trousers - Madness

Thelwell

So, back on the 17th Feb "A" had her first riding lesson. Today she had her first canter. In only 5 months she has come on so much (sorry, I apologise for any proud daddy moments). I think she is a natural. Anyway she had a private leson today and will have another one in a week. By trying cantering she should be able to go up into the next class. Two weeks ago, when we first discussed her cantering she was worried about it. Last week she said she was ready. And this week she loved it. To be honest she didn't canter far, Micky didn't really want to play along, but she got the feel of it. You can tell she likes roller coasters, the faster anything goes the better.

Sole Charges

Let me start by being honest and saying I have never liked Gordon Ramsey. I am not a prude, I mean, f**k it, there are times when swearing helps let off steam, but he completely overdoes it. To the level that I think he is disrespectful. It isn't necessary. So, that's clear then. Now let me continue:

"The Independent" is currently running a campaign to improve working conditions for waiters. They are trying to get top chefs to support it. They have a quote from Ramsey. "We add a 12.5 per cent service charge to the final bill.........it was welcomed by the customers as it removes any embarrassment from deciding how much to add." First off, where does 12.5% come from. The "recognised" tip is 10%, always has been. It is the fact that it is 10% that makes it easy to calculate. And then justifying it by saying it removes embarrassment. The gall of the guy. He is implying that his customers are too stupid to think for themselves (which, considering they went to his restaurant, may have some merit I suppose). And adding on a tip automatically is a terrible practice. Most people will be too embarrassed to ask for it to be removed (although, you may not be surprised to learn, I will always insist an automatic service charges to be removed whenever I see them). How does he know his customers welcomed it? I bet a decent survey wouldn't find that, he just means people aren't asking for it to be removed. No, of course not, because he ahs put them in an embarrassing position. Calculating a tip isn't embarrassing. Having to remove it is (unless your are too incensed to care).

Hell, it's enough to make me swear again, f**k it.

Myself and some friends were recently staying at a hotel. We got there late, it was dark by the time we arrived and we only just got fed. But we had a good evening. The next morning we got ready to leave. Had breakfast, settled up. Wandered out to the car park. Said our goodbyes. The first got in his car. The rest of us were still talking. After a few minutes we wondered why the first hadn't left. Was he having trouble finding the route on his map? Then he got out, looked around, walked over to the next car, opened the door, got in, and drove off. Now, to be fair, they were exactly the same make, model and colour, and it was a misty morning but, you will not be surprised to learn, we almost wet ourselves laughing.

Wee Greenie

My niece is just starting at a new school. This is very exciting. Especially so as she is now going to be catching the bus to school. By herself. The school use a company called "The Little Green Bus". For the first trip her father took her to the bus stop. They waited, and waited, and waited. The bus didn't turn up. Not a happy start. Phone call to the bus company. Demanding to know where they had been. Confusion. The bus company thought that their bus had done the school round as normal. Until finally the person at the end of the phone says "you do know it isn't actually a little green bus don't you?" Ah, guess what they had been looking for to the exclusion of all else. Embarrasment.

The Jam - Ghosts

Poor recording, fantastic song -



ooo, ooo, update, better recording



ooo, ooo, ooo, possibly even better, more raw

The Jam _ Ghosts

Two More

Horse Trials

Yesterday we went to some Horse Trials. It was a nice day out. However I ended up taking over 200 pictures. The advantage of digital is you can see what you are getting and keep trying. The disadvantage is then sorting through them and processing them on the computer when you get home. For now I like these three, there may be some more to follow.

Somebody Touched Me - Bruce Cockburn

Somebody touched me
Making everything new
Somebody touched me
I didn't know what to do
Burned through my life
Like a bolt from the blue
Somebody touched me
I know it was you

Somebody touched me
Deep in my bones
Turned a key in the hole
There was somebody home
Some would say that I'm dreaming
But I swear that it's true
Somebody touched me
I know it was you

Somebody touched me
Like the rain on the wind
Left me alone
Feeling like I'd been skinned
But I know you're with me
Whatever I go through
Somebody touched me
I know it was you

Yeah or Nay

I've been away for a few days so I am really just trying to catch up on the news. And that includes trying to work out if the David Davis story is one of victory or defeat. He increased his margin by 10000, which seems fairly good, but at the same time less people voted for him in total than last time they were asked. What I think is sad is that it failed to really raise the issues. The media seemed to completely avoid the one issue that he wanted to focus on, so we still ahven't seen a public debate on the erosion of our liberties.

This Month Day 10 - CSS

I posted this song before but the video wasn't vy good. Therefore again, with a better vid:

Roundabout

For a while now there has been talk of taxing people for the amount of waste they throw. It is open to a lot of questions. It is an extra tax. There is an element of "spying" on people (tagging their bins etc). Generally a nanny state feel to the thing. So turning it on its head and rewarding people for how little they throw seems a good idea.

I am not averse to the use of a stick, there are times when it is useful, but I greatly prefer the carrot. Especially when it comes to money. I don't think that taxing acts as a great incentive. It makes people moan, it makes them worse off, it makes them resentful, but it doesn't often alter behaviour. However giving people money to do something is effective. A tax has to overcome the inertia, but getting something for nothing (or very little effort) has a momentum of its own.

I can see this working and I suspect it is, for once, an extrememly practical solution to a very important problem.

Brrm 2

It worked. I left another 10 minutes early and I got to work before I left home. Well, no, not really. But only becasue it was raining

Brrrm

The roads to Milton Keynes are fairly diabolical at the moment. It takes an extra 20-30 minutes driving in to work, no matter which route I take and despite the fact I try to get in for 8 am not 9. This morning I really needed to be in on time so I left 10 minutes earlier than usual. And got in 25 minutes earlier. I reckon that if I leave an extra ten minutes on top of that tomorrow then I will be in the office before I leave home!

Glub

That Bush has been President of the US for so long is scary. That he hasn't destroyed us all is possibly surprising. But at least we have been treated to one mans demolition of the language. At times it is possible to wonder if English is even his second language.

“We cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.”

“"If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow.”

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."

My favourite though has to go back to the 29th September 2000. There were some issues about dams being torn down to save some endangered species of fish. Bush opposed this. Which is fair enough. But in defence of his position he came out with the following "I know that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully". Ah, poetry.

Pong

I am not a tennis fan. Never have been. But "J" has to watch the sports I enjoy so for a fortnight a year I put up with Wimbledon. And I have to say that todays match was an epic. I think the right person won in the end, but it was so close. Incredible match to watch.

The Pigeon Detectives - Take Her Back

Toe and Heel

Without doubt there are times when evolution has done strange things. How on earth ahs it managed to differentiate the male and female brain so much. There is a clear and undeniable difference when it comes to shoe shopping. I hate shopping for shoes, there is nothing attractive about it at all. Yet my 6 year old daughter thinks it is wonderful. It isn't that she likes shopping per se, it is specific to shoe shopping. I don't understand.

Going Up

It always seems wrong to me that politicians can vote for their own pay rise. While the rest of us have to accept what our boss tells us, they get to decide what they are worth. I think the rules should be changed. I think WE should get to vote on their pay rise. Might make them have a bit more accountability.

Sports Day

It was "A"s sports day yesterday. She swears that she wasn't taking it seriously but I think the pictures tell a different story.

Zulu Dawn

At a time when Zimbabwe, a once beautiful country, descends into chaos, it is hard to understand why the African Union will not condemn Mugabe. But it is because there is a struggle ongoing, a struggle between old Africa and new Africa. There are two types of African state. The one that has overcome colonialisation, overcome occupation by another country meeting invasion with violence, and these are lead by the liberators, men who suffered but stood up to be counted, a group that Mugabe not only belongs to but is, in many ways, the archetype. Then there are the countries that have risen from political development, the democratic states, those for whom Mugabe represents the worst of the continent. It leads to this position where the countries are at opposite poles. Neither can back down because to do so would undermine their entire fabric of being.

Surreal

I heard something on the news today that I was going to blog about but I really can't remember what it was about. For some strange reason i am thinking "bananas" but that can't be right.