Exams

The following starts as something I found amusing but actually it becomes more serious as it goes along. And I accept that I may be open to some criticism, but bear me out.

I am sitting in the bar of the hotel waiting for my lunch. I have a few hours to kill before my train. The hotel is interviewing for positions and I can overhear the conversation behind me. Or at least I can overhear the questioner, but the interviewee is too quiet.

The first question I hear is “What makes you want to get up in the morning and clean rooms?” And I am thinking is there anything that could make someone get up in the morning and clean rooms. I mean, “what makes you want to become a surgeon” yes, “what makes you want to defend those in court” yes, “what makes you want to travel” yes. But clean rooms? Seems an unfair question to me. I think about my house when I was a bachelor. To be honest, to a degree I can think about my house now. Cleaning never was high on the priority list. For a good few years after I was married I did take on the mantle of cleaning the bathroom, but somehow I have managed to let that slip, maybe “J” got fed up waiting for me to do it. Cleaning is important, of course it is, I would hate a dirty hotel room (in fact there was someone else’s toenail on the floor in my room and that just isn’t pleasant) but I can’t see it as an inspiring reason to get up in the morning.

Then the next question “Have you ever gone beyond the call of duty for a guest?” The girl must have asked, as quiet as a mouse, what that means. The interviewer replies “it means have you ever done anything that a guest wouldn’t expect. Have you ever surprised a guest?” In my mind I can think of many ways a maid may surprise a guest, none of them are the kind of thing that you would admit in an interview. It appears that this girl has done nothing that she is willing to divulge to surprise a guest.

But this is where I stop being amused. Because I start thinking. I can’t tell how old the girl is because her head is down, her hair hanging in front, hands either side of her face. She is so quiet. I am not sure if she is even answering. She is obviously scared. And the interviewer is barking at her. No attempt to make the girl comfortable, to put her at her ease. Each question makes it worse. I can feel the pit that she feels she is descending into.

I look into that pit, that abyss, that yawning chasm, I am reminded that in the here and the now we are still producing children who can’t write their name. Those who are abused, bullied, demeaned. Who are driven from their homes. Who don’t know the meaning of family. Who are grateful for any opportunity to climb one step above the gutter line. Who won’t be worried about the stock market crash because they are simply worried about where their next 50 pence will come from.

And the final question I hear, “Tell me about a time in your life when you felt proud?”

Silence

OK Go "A Million Ways"

Watch and enjoy

Knees Down

An evening approximating a pub crawl has done nothing to appease the loneliness but only served to aggravate the crankiness. I am tempted to ask where has my youth gone. But then again, my iPod has just started playing OK Go and "A Million Ways" and I am happy.

Overpacked

It was especially nice to indulge myself slightly because, on a personal side, this trip to Edinburgh is not turning out as planned. I have brought rather a lot of stuff with me for three days, anyone seeing my case would think I have rather over-packed. This is because I had two plans to take up some of my spare time. The first was masonic, as I was planning on visiting an Edinburgh Lodge. However, after a rather delayed train trip yesterday I was so tired by the time I got to my hotel that I really couldn't face organising anything. So that meant I brought my suit and my masonic case with me for nothing. Then I also brought my camera and some gear. I was hoping to take some photos. But rather than the nice snowy scenes I was planning on, instead what I have got up here at the moment is damp, grey rain and sleet. A better photographer than me might be able to make something out of it, but it has defeated me. Mind you, it does mean that I can spend my time reading, which is never a bad thing.

Old And Older

I don't get a lot of time for browsing through antique shops and second-hand bookshops these days. It was very nice then to decide, after an afternoon working in a hotel room, that half an hour fresh air while the shops were still open wouldn't be a bad idea. And I found an antique shop with a rather nice masonic jewel, and a bookshop with a couple of nice old poetry books. A very pleasant half hour.

Live and Let Die

The second of the Bond series. Another gripping story. Again Bond isn't the kind of hero he appears in the films. He is driven by inner demons that lead him on to the next day, the next fight. His demons give him the strength he needs, lady luck gives him the rest. I find it interesting seeing a very different character to that I grew up with watching the films. It is obvious that it is written in another time, another political era. But it also shows attitudes in another time. It has to be read with a slight suspension of what we now believe to be politically correct.

Party Time

A friend has recently been complaining about the smoking ban. Not because she smokes, but because it has put her off boys. Apparently it's all to do with nightclubs. In the old days nightclubs smelt of smoke. Not the nicest of smells, but bearable. Now (I am reliably informed, I no longer frequent them) they smell of sweat and farts. And the nearer you get to a group of blokes the worse it gets. It seems it is so bad that there is a two foot zone around them that it is impossible for girls to penetrate without fainting! So even if they spot a guy they like the look of, they can't actually get to speak to him.

I had never realised that the smoking ban was also going to act as a birth control system. I await with interest some stats on teenage pregnancies before and after the ban.

Thunderbolt Next

At the risk of developing a theme to this blog, once more I will say that someone high up doesn't like Gordon Brown being in charge of the UK. Ever since GB came to power we have been hit by one disaster after another. However, the gods have realised that GB has not taken the broad hints and have now decided to make it more personal. I take it that the plane nearly striking GBs car at Heathrow was a figurative shot across the bows.

Pen and Pencil

Children can sometimes give you a momentary glimpse of the future. At five years old they can give you an idea of what it will be like living with a teenager. Having had a meeting at an EU building this week I was able to pick up some of their branded paper. I thought "A" would like it so I brought it home. Last night I gave it to her saying "I brought you some paper you can scribble on" (look, I know it isn't very exciting, paper, but that's not the point before you tell me I am a meany). Her reply "I don't scribble Daddy, I do proper pictures". Suitably chastised I retired from the room.

Splash

While sure that I was alerted to the existence of I Lick My Cheese" by my friend over here, rather strangely I can't find actually evidence to support this theory. A search on her blog does not show an entry for the book.

Anyway, digressing. So, this is a book about post-it notes that get left by flatmates alerting you to the fact that they found your crusty undies, they threw your joint in the bin or they lick their cheese. Having been a flat-share in my student days I thought I might enjoy.

Well, it is possible that those days are too far away because this book didn't really do much for me. Too shallow, too quick, not enough background, and I didn't appreciate the authors humour. Not my best read.

However, there is another possibility as to why it didn't work. My flat mates were not really note writers. Generally we were rather more direct. Still emblazened on my memory is the Saturday morning when I felt a lie-in was necessary having had a late night tripping the light fantastic in Glasgow. One of my flat mates had other ideas. He felt I should be up revising. He came in and woke me up to tell me so. I simply turned over and tried to go back to sleep, a perfectly sensible option I felt. And I heard him leave the room. Vindicated I thought. Approximately 5 minutes later he came back in. And proceeded to empty a bucket of cold water over me. Direct action you see. A post-it would never have got me out of bed!

Chipmunk Fishing - A Weird Hobby

Indoor Chipmunk Fishing - Watch more free videos

Hunger

Brussels never fails to catch me out. I mean, it is the centre of the EU. I always think it should be vibrant. So I think that I am safe arriving with a late flight. Imagine my disappointment/frustration/annoyance/resignation to find, at 2315 hours, after I have checked into my hotel, that there is nowhere to eat. I wander for three quarters of an hour in rain and wind but finally surrender to the obvious fact that the entire city is closed, and for dinner I make do with a can of water and a packet of biscuits from a vending machine.


In fact, I tell a slight lie. I did find one place that I could have got a drink and some food. And it was tempting. But I finally decided I was not so desperate that I could justify going in a strip club. After all, I couldn't work out just how I would justify that on expenses.

Yawn

You know what, today is one of those days when I wish I had something to say but my brain is really too tired to think, and too stupid to take me to bed.

One For Me, One For You

To be clear from the off, I carry a donor card and I think more people should donate organs. However, I think it is entirely wrong to go for an opt out policy. It is incredibly emotive. My medical side means I am personally not too bothered, after all I am going to go for cremation so please make use of any spare parts that I have not worn out (although I feel as though there may not be many of those). But many people feel very strongly about this, some because of religious reasons, some for no more than it makes them feel queasy. Whatever the reason, this is about respect. We have been given our bodies, it is up to us to decide what to do with them. The state has no right to assume ownership after our death.

KerSplosh

We watched "Flushed Away" this evening. During the X-Factor we ended up with the family tradition of eating dips on Saturday night and "A" enjoys it so much that it seems mean to stop just because the series ended. It is proving a bit of an effort to find something on TV on Saturday nights however. But tonight we found "Flushed Away", which we hadn't seen at the cinema. Now, many of these childrens films I end up disappointed with. "Cars", "Ratatouille", "Finding Nemo", I don't find any of them live up to the hype. But I have to admit that "Flushed Away" had me laughing throughout. Specifically the slugs, bursting into song and adding the backing tracks. I might be sad but it kept me amused.

Golden Handshake

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with a Prime Minister taking us to war and then later joining a company that are set to make a massive profit from that war? This seems to take cynicism to an altogether unprecedented level. I am not sure if this is a golden handshake, or more one dripping with blood.

Hot

I may be wrong, indeed please correct me. But wasn't there something promised about a national debate before any decisions were made? And, even worse, it went to french contractors.

Short Back

So here I comment on the fact I don't like Johnny Depp. And, having just seen a clip for "Sweeney Todd", I believe that I am utterly and entirely justified in my dislike.

I Vote Vinick

I have to thank "The West Wing" for at least giving me a vague idea of what is happening in american politics. Don't they make it confusing? I am not sure why it has to be so complicated.

Barack Obama (isn't that an unfortunate name, is it like an order? he is just asking to be heckled) doesn't do it for me. He doesn't seem to have any real presence, I can't look at him and believe. And I am not impressed by what I have heard either. This is going to sound very shallow because I am not talking about content. It is the way he speaks. It may be that I have only heard certain soundbites, but he doesn't seem to have any finesse, any nuance. All I have heard has been loud and uncontrolled. To inspire, the voice has to speak with poetry, to know when to be quiet, when to be loud, when to implore, when to demand. I don't hear any of this.

And Hilary. Now that's an interesting candidate. How much baggage does she bring with her? How does she manage that baggage? Because it is mixed baggage. Bill may not have been a good man, but he was a good president. When he wasn't too busy with cigars and not having sex he managed to do some very good things. And, as I understand it, Hilary was behind a lot of those good things. She had a lot of influence over his decisions. She could be an amazing force for good.

Avast Me Hearties

Last night we finished watching the Pirates of the Cari... (hold on, I need to go and check how many "r"s and "b"s there are)... Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Now I am not usually a Johnny Depp or a Keira Knightly fan. But in this trilogy they are good. The second film of the three was a little slow at the beginning but picked up after 40 minutes. And apart from that 40 minutes it was all fantastic. The third is a long film but one of those that seems to pass in a blink. A great mix of humour and action. Special commendation to Bill Nighy, despite an amazing amount of make-up and a fantastic mask, the facial expressions were still recognizably him. The third is a complex film, with a number of interweaving plot-lines, some of which don't come to an end, but it is the complexity that makes it good, in that you are constantly having to guess how it is all going to turn out. It is never clear, as in the first, whether Captain Jack Sparrow is very clever and plans everything or is just extremely lucky. If you haven't yet seen these films then go and watch them now. I was very sceptical before I saw the first one (as I say, not a fan of the main cast) and I expected it to have been very over-rated, but I am willing to admit I was wrong.

Whose fault

There is a supplementary question to the one about tribal culture being compatible with democracy. And that is whose responsibility is this terror masquerading as ppolitics. And, sadly, Britain has to bear the brunt of this. Most of these countries were colonised by the empire. And it was this colonisation that brought the idea of democracy. Many good things came about through colonisation, we brought sanitation, education, transport. But we also brought the potential for bad things as well. And when we could not hold our position in these countries, when in one way or another we were evicted, we then shirked our responsibilities to support and maintain. Politics interfered with what was right. We put our power, our might, behind those that we thought would best serve our interests. And we set up a false structure, a paper house all too easy to blow over in the wind.

Hear Ye Hear Ye

If you know me then you will understand why I have Google set up to send me notifications everytime that avian influenza, foot and mouth, and bluetongue are mentioned in the news. And to be honest "avian influenza" tends to tell me about the things you would expect it to. The other two subjects can be a bit more of a surprise.


Foot and Mouth seems to often get converted into "foot in mouth" and seems to feature heavily among politicians and sports personalities. Every other day seems to find a politician having said something they shouldn't.


Bluetongue is even more varied. I get messages about the bluetongue lizard. I get messages about the bluetongue stadium. And even more interesting I get messages about Bluetongue lager.


My education is expanding in ever unexpected ways.

Croak Croak

No, not a return of my flu. Instead I have discovered that it is the Year of the Frog. And no again, this does not mean that the french are going to win all sports this year. It really is the Year of the Frog, and Sir David Attenborough is the patron. There is actually a serious side to this, apparently frogs throughout the world are succumbing to a fungus and they are gradually dying out. So if you do see any frogs you may want to consider giving them some Canesten to take home.

Two Tribes

Considering the current levels of violence, an important question to ask is "is democracy compatible with a tribal system?" In Pakistan we see that the leader of a party must come from a particular family line, rather than because he (or she) is the best candidate. This results in a situation where a young university undergraduate, with little experience, changes his name so he can run the party. This seems, at best, farcical. His press interview was not inspiring, did not make the viewer believe that he could fix the massive problems ahead. But he is chosen because of his family.

Think about the established democracies. These did not occur overnight. They took a long time to develop. And they certainly did not develop straight from a tribal system. There were many steps, importantly gradually changing the balance of power and forming a nation first. Unfortunately in some countries democracy has been forced on them, before the first steps have been taken towards a united country. This leads to a situation where tribes (clans, families, castes) still believe that they are likely to be oppressed by the others, the "them and us" is still very embedded in the way of life. This of course then leads to situations where people are accused of cheating. Of those, once in power, trying to protect themselves and their tribe.

I Knew It

You Act Like You Are 31 Years Old

You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! You're responsible, wise, and have enough experience to understand a lot of the world. You're at the point in your life where you understand yourself pretty well. You are figuring out what you want... and how to get it!

What Age Do You Act?

Bang Bang

Midnight, and the new year was heralded by all the fireworks that now seem obligatory. I didn't see them (being already in bed). Of course there is always a worry when you have pets that firewroks will scare them. This is not a concern in this household. Our cats actually got onto the bedroom windowsill to ensure that they has a great display and could see it all.

Christmas Week

I really have spent the majority of the Christmas week holed up in bed. I know it isn't bird flu, but can't confirm whether or not it is real flu vs man-flu, but whatever, I have felt rough. I do not recommend this as a way to spend Christmas. I am definitely on the road to recovery but still have no energy and very quickly feel washed up. This has, obviously, taken the edge off Christmas.

However, I don't like to dwell on the negative, and like to find an upside where possible. So the good news is that, for possibly the first time ever, I have actually lost weight over Christmas. Even better is that I haven't spent the entire week in a state of perpetual flux between "merry" and "bladdered".

Still Sick

See title, update over.

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas

Cough

What a b.....y stupid day to get ill. Dry, ahcki9ng cough, no energy, aching all over, and a headache. Great!

By An Open Fire

So last night I decided to play around with the new digital camera a bit. Oh, I do like being able to see the results immediately. Makes it much easier for playing around with exposures. Now, I know these aren't quite right, unfortunately there is a blue reflection which is from some Christmas lights, and the bottle needs to be three quarters full, and in an ideal world the wine in the glass needs some legs. But I think (b) is the winner for now.

a)

b)

c)

Cue, Action

I never thought I would say that the end of the XFactor would be a dilemma. But sadly it appears to be so. We had got into this "tradition" of sitting down together to watch it and have a tea of dips. "A" loved it, as much because it was a family thing and us all sitting together on the sofa. So without it what can we watch. And there really was nothing else tonight. "A" had the bright idea that we could all watch Peter Pan (the Disney cartoon), well sorry but that wasn't going to happen. I am not spending an early evening wathching Peter Pan. We bought Polar Express for her recently because we thought she enjoyed it at the cinema, but she didn't want to watch that. In the end we settled for Madagascar. Could have been better, but could have been worse (High School Musical 2 being a current favourite of hers).

Holidays A'Comin'

I am sometimes asked if I miss being in practice. And the true answer is "never". But especially not when I have just finished work for the Christmas break. In practice there is really no such thing as a Christmas break. If you are lucky then you get Christmas Day off. But you know that the Christmas week is going to be busy. Gastrotomies on dogs that have eaten too much turkey fat. Dogs with chocolate poisoning. Cats which have argued with the carving knives. I won't go in to full details, especailly of trying to stitch up a dog after emptying its stomach, and the floor being covered with half digested turkey fat (sorry, did I go too far there?).

Anyway, time to relax (as long as our turkey gets delivered on Christmas Eve, otherwise panic and sausages for lunch). A decent break, and not one phone call expected at three in the morning to get me out of bed (Sal, that is not a challenge).

Whizz Whir

Or I think you are completely mad, and I run from the room the moment your back is next turned

Don't Click

So what I used to do, and what I think black and white is so good for, is go down to public areas and take pictures of people. Crowds, individuals lost in the crowd, etc. Today, rather short notice, I needed to go to London. So I thought it would be a good opportunity to take my new camera. Set it to monochrome. And try to get some atmospheric shots. And lucky me, I was going to be at Euston. That should be good. Quack Quack Oops. Apparently you are not allowed to take pictures in train stations. I ahve been told. After I took a photo. A rather insistant man came up to me, with two policemen in the background, one of whom was carry a gun. And he told me I couldn't take photos. And then he had problems understanding that I was saying sorry and that I wouldn't do it again. He got more and more agitated explaining that it was security, and it wasn't allowed etc. I just calmly said I understood, I was sorry, it didn't use to be a problem, I won't do it again, I'll delete the one photo I had taken if it helps. And had to repeat myself again and again. After a three minute lecture he finally realised that I wasn't complaining, wasn't being trouble, and was genuinely apologising. And I felt lucky to get away.

Click

Very excited. My new camera arrived today. Finally taken the leap of buying a digital SLR. The Canon EOS 40D. Not quite as complicated as the picture here (look closely at the different buttons) but certainly more complicated than the EOS 30 I have been used to. But really exciting. I am especially looking forward to the fact I can swap between colour and black and white at the press of a button or two. Sometimes I really like black and white photography but it can be a pain when you haven't completed a film (for a while I did run two cameras, one for colour, one for black and white). Anyway, recently I haven't been taking a lot of pictures but now I will start again. Looking forward to it.

Hee Hee Hee (Which Do You Do?)

Top Vote

So the Lib Dems have voted David Cameron as their leader. No, sorry, I mean Nick Clegg. No, No, listen to the way he talks, how he moves his arms, it IS David Cameron. Can't be, can it? Or is this what he meant by bringing them together, head up both parties and pool the votes.

Closed Case

So go back to this story that the NHS have a £2 billion pound surplus. Then compare and contrast with this one, that they are closing down two of the few places that can treat specialised psychiatric illness. Doesn't make much sense does it? Even ignoring the social side of such a service, the economic arguments to keep the hospitals open are strong as they prevent more serious injuries and violence that would involve the police as well as the NHS. Short term thinking leads to a further step backwards in the long term. Politics controlled by a balance sheet.

Fa La La

It was bad enough that he got to the final. But it is a travesty that he won. Leon cannot sing. That is the downright truth. He misses more notes than he hits. Rhydian however has a fantastic voice, and I am not ashamed to say he can bring me out in goosebumps with the emotion he puts into a song. So how did Leon win? I really think I need to get the TV checked because I heard something very different to other people obviously. The relief is that Leon will be a one hit wonder, whilst Rhydian will, without doubt, be given a contract and go on for a long time. In this case talent defintiely was the loser, I am just not sure what made the untalented one win.

Footsteps

Action - No, Please, No, CUT

How could a world leader (in the broadest sense) think that it would be a good idea to make a video of his dog and release it to us all. It appears that this is a tradition at Christmas and that this is in fact the 6th in the series. I suppose it is meant to be inspiring although in reality it is fairly cringe-worthy. In fact, if you can make it to the end, it gets worse. Because there is a guest appearence by Tony Blair, at his most embarrassing. This is a man who remains desperate for attention, any attention, and has no concept of shame.

Up and Up

After the rehearsal on Monday, last nights ceremony had the potential to be a disaster. There are a number of reasons why I was not as good on my lines as I would normally expect to be. A number of reasons which I don't feel like going in to here. All that matters is that Monday I was a shambles and, as the rest rely on me to be strong, the evening rapidly degenerated. I was therefore very nervous last night. And I didn't get the time pre-ceremony that I hoped for to sit in the chair and think about my lines. Too busy setting up the tables for the meal afterwards.

So, in the end, I was extremely pleased with last night. There is no doubt that, on another night, I would have been berating myself for not doing as well as I ought. But we got through it smoothly. Where I couldn't remember the exact words I at least knew the story well enough to be able to bluff my way through. And I led the team forward as I should. We got through it, no injuries (!), and all happy, with many visitors telling us what a fine ceremony (a third degree) it was.

And the relief this morning when I woken up. A load off my shoulders. And I do this for fun! But one more ceremony, an installation, and I am finished in the chair. It is already downhill from here.

Oh S@@@

Normal service will be resumed shortly but Lodge meeting tomorrow night and I really don't know my words, last nights rehearsal was a disaster. Panic mode.

Huey and the News

Right, I have to be honest, living with a five year old can make you a bit cynical. Today we are supposed to be meeting Zippie and "D" for lunch. So "A" starts saying she feels sick about 2 hours before we are due to leave. This is strange because she enjoys seeing Zippie and "D" (not Uncle Zippie and Aunty D, oh no, lot of trouble if I say that) but I think that maybe she doesn't fancy the 2 hour drive. I certainly don't actually believe her. And I am still not believing her, although I have rung and cancelled, when "A" is violently sick. And she doesn't eat anything all day, and she goes to bed half way through the afternoon, and even when she isn't in bed she sits quietly on the sofa for almost the entire day (one or two half hearted reconnoitres but nothing major). Oh bad Daddy, for ever doubting his daughter.

So Fa Lo

While it is not my first choice of watching we have developed a family tradition of watching X-Factor on Saturday night while eating dips (I make a wicked home made salsa). So can someone explain to me how Leon has made it to the final. There has not been a week where he didn't sing out of tune. I was amazed tonight when Cowell said "you only sang slightly out of tune". When I was young, in 4-5 choirs at school, there was no such thing as slightly out of tune. Either you hit the note or you don't. It is an on-off thing, there is no degree to it. Sadly I suspect that slightly out of tune means it is something that can be electronically rigged in the studio (I refuse to buy the new Sugababes song because, although I like it, I heard them sing it live and they were terrible, obviously fix in the mix). Anyway, for weeks I have thought Leon should go and, although not convinced by Nikki, this evening she did nail a Fleetwood Mac song.

Swings and Roundabouts

Yea, managed to get tickets to see Varekai by Cirque du Soleil in London. It is difficult to get good tickets. Firstly, don't go through the link on the website which takes you to an official ticket dealer, they never seem to have the good seats. Instead go to he Royal Albert Hall website itself and use their booking. But it's complicated, once you have chosen a date and "Best Price Available" it automatically puts the seats in your basket, before you are able to decide if you actually want them. And there is a limited number of tickets you can have in your basket. So you have to delete them before going back to the booking page, picking a new date and trying again. So by the time you have gone therou a month of dates it has taken you three quarters of an hour. Frustrating. But this time my persistance has been rewarded as I found ringside seats in February. Exciting.

Giddy

Sending emails at work can be a risky business.

Yes Squeak, Welsh and Proud Of It

Burning Bright

Every evening
I light this lamp
In the hope
You'll see this beacon
Return
To this empty home
And make it
Whole again.
Every morning
I awake
Alone.

Heat

I want to walk
In the pouring rain
Not caring
That my clothes are soaked,
To stand
On the highest places
And shout with freedom,
To see
The glistening colour
Of your eyes
Knowing
That the look
Will be followed
By intensity,
And
Most of all
To live
Filled with passion.

Watch Out For Hobbes

I am bumping this up (well, reposting) because it is great and if you haven't yet watched it you should, if you have watched it then watch again. And also because living with Scooby in this house is like living with Hobbes.

Sucks

The day started with a new Christmas decoration blowing. It ended with the computer playing up. In between was much the same.

This Month Day 10

Not for the video, but the music

Well, It's Nice To Know

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

The Feeling - I Love It When You Call

Dreamt

A dream

Of the warmth
Your arms around me,
Holding me
Passion reflected,
A want
A hunger,
A shining in your eyes,
That feeds my soul,
Meets my heart -
Ache -
A desire
For knowing
A knowing
We should be
Held
Forever

As I wake
To cold
Too cold

Hunted

Every step
Further, faltering
Blood
From the deep wound in my side
Leaving a trail for the beast
Following
Licking every drop
Unwilling to lose
So sweet a meal
And closing
Slowly
Until it catches
Devours
My being
Leaving
Only
Faint memory

Calvin and Hobbes Breakaway

Red Rose

I watch the red petal
Floating to the ground
From the rose flower
In your hand
And I know
By the time
It touches the grass
Colours blending
I can say a sentence
That will
Explode
Our World

Whoosh

For a Saturday this was busy. I had meant to go to a lodge rehearsal earlier this week but hadn't been able to make it in the end. So I drove down to Cardiff this morning, spent a couple of hours with my father going through the upcoming Third Degree ceremony, then rushed back. We have a family ritual of eating dips while watching X-Factor and I had to be back for that (well I was 10 minutes late, but not bad).

The End

Well, it has taken me about 12 years but I have finally finished the Cerebus saga. Now, to be fair, this isn't quite as bad as it sounds. In that it hasn't taken so long because it is difficult to read, rather it has taken so long because it is a graphic novel (OK comic) and has been slowly released in book form over this time. It hasn't always been easy to get the next volume.

Cerebus started as a parody of "Conan the Barbarian" (he even gets to marry Red Sophia). And for a while that is where it stayed. A three foot tall bipedal aardvark who never quite fitted in with the world around him. Guest appearances from other characters began to appear, some real and some not so real, including Groucho Marx and Oscar Wilde. And then it started to evolve. It became a reflection on politics, then on the church. From parody to satire. The Rolling Stones appeared for a while. And then it got weird. Dave Sim, the author, probably does have a screw loose, in all honesty. And as you read the latter books you can understand why feminists hate him. And also religious fanatics. He becomes a fanatic himself and seems, by the end, to think that god has given him guidance that the rest of us have missed.

All the same, allowing for the weirdness, for the appearences of F Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemmingway, the Three Stooges and others, he does make good points. I don't say I beleive them, but I think they deserve consideration.

Cerebus is not a lovable character. Selfish, callous, amoral (rather than immoral), and a drunk with a temper. But he is also a character who can absorb you, sometimes the story line moves at lightening speed, sometimes like a glacier. But always, just always, wanting to know what will happen next.

The Chances Of Anything Coming From Mars.......

I have just watched "War of the Worlds". The modern version. With Tom Cruise. And my god it was dire. Take a classic and turn it into a nightmare. Didn't even have the good songs in it. Tom Cruise less than convincing. In fact the whole story less than convincing. I am tempted to describe it in detail so that it spoils it for you if you haven't seen it, then you won't have to sit through it. Now you could say that it is sci-fi so the story will be far fetched, but the point of good sci-fi is that it has an air of credibility. Which the original did (I am sure you know what happened, when it was first broadcast on radio it caused a nationwide panic becuase listeneers thought it was real). But right from the outset the premise was wrong in this version. poor, very poor, and a waste of 2 hours.

Out With The Old

I can't say what I have been up to recently at work. But it has been intense. Very intense, for the last few weeks. Effectively the project ended yesterday. I left home this morning not sure what I was going to do. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to do. But I had to refocus. So today was spent re-organising my office. Took everything out, moved the furniture around. Threw out a lot of things I had been hoarding but not used in 5 years. Basically a cathartic experience.

I'm H.A.P.P.Y.

Shock news this morning was that people are realising that if the NHS pays for Herceptin then they have less money for anything else.

I am ready to be flamed for the following but it is a debate that is needed.

I understand why an individual would fight to be treated with Herceptin. Of course anyone who thought it would help them or a member of their family would do everything they could to get hold of it. But the NHS has a limited resource. For once I am not being political, whoever is in power there will always be limited amount of money that can be spent. And, as a group, we need to see that the more that can be treated the better. Hard choices have to be made. It seems easy to say "if you don't let me have access to the drug I will die", but the relaisty is that if one person has access to Herceptin then in fact many more die because there is no money for the other therapies.

The problem is that what we hear is individual storries. And every individual deserves to be listened to. But someone, somewhere, has to make the hard choice. Do we treat 75 people with Herceptin (with a 10% success rate) or do we treat 355 people with radiotherapy? Radiotherapy does have a lower success rate. herceptin is certainly a wonder drug. But the increase in numbers of people you can treat mean that even with a lower success rate the total number of people who survive increases. If we look at individuals then every single one should have Herceptin because they have a better chance, but if we look at the "herd" then we do better using the cheaper therapy.

It is a harsh reality. I wish that the NHS had enough money to do everything. But it is a bottomless pit, and there will always be a newer more expensive drug. The money has to be used rationally, and that means choosing what is best for us all.

Where?

You may be given to wonder about some retailers. In a DVD catalogue just received, under the category of "Westerns" - "All Quiet On The Western Front"

Bring Diddly Um Pom Bring

Time was when mobile phones were unusual. Only the richest had them, and then they were cumbersome and more novelty than useful. Things have changed. Despite Dom Jolys best efforts they are more ubiquitous than ever. There are now 13% of households in the UK that have mobiles but don't have landlines. Isn't that amazing. But the UK is behind the times. Other countries are well in advance of that. In one Eastern European country there are now 127 mobile phones for every 100 people. Which seems weird. Who is using those extra 27 phones?

Santa Claus A'comin

When can you tell Christmas is on it's way? (As an aside, can you believe that a pub we went to today for lunch was actually advertising Burns night and Valentines!) The neighbours have put up their Christmas lights. Almost crashed the car in surprise and overshot my drive. It isn't even December. Now, to be fair, we do plan on putting up our lights this weekend, but at least we will be in the right month. One advantage of them having put theirs up is that I now know what I need to beat. Bit of shopping in the offin methinks. But no, the real way to know Christmas is here is that I just saw the Coca-Cola santa ad, definite proof.

Brotherhood

It was quite a masonic weekend. My parents came up at the end of last week so this meant my father and I could go out to a Chapter meeting on Thursday (my weekend starts early). I am the Janitor at the moment - rather weird that the first real officer role in Chapter and I get thrown out so I can't see the ceremony. Weirder that I have lines to give, so I have to yell through the door when it is open. Actually it is a nice office to hold, you get to talk to the new (hopeful) member and try to put him at his ease. Anyway it was enjoyable, and also very nice to have an evening out with my father.

Then the LOI dinner mentioned earlier. A chance for those who regularly turn up to rehearsals (LOIs) to have a meal together with their other halves. And a lot of talk about a lot of things non-masonic. Simply a nice relaxing evening with friends. And we were lucky because the wedding at the hotel had an amazing firework display so we got to watch that as well.

Rabbits

It was a busy weekend. So some stories, if blogged at all will be out of order. Anyway, on Saturday we went to an LOI dinner (Lodge of Instruction, I will explain another time). It was at St Mellons Country Club (Charity Ball there next year in May, let me know if you are interested in coming). We were standing around chatting, having some drinks with our friends. This guy comes up to us and starts chatting. Rapidly realise he is a magician. not bad (although not particularly good). And I couldn't get a word in edgeways, because there was something I thought I should tell him. After twenty minutes he finally says "so do you know Emily or Trevor?" To which the honest answer, and what I had wanted to tell him, was "neither, the wedding party is in the room next door!"

Voice

Deep within
Deeper than my soul
A scream
Resides
Growing bigger
Louder
Stretching the confines
Of the vault I built
And the groaning
Of the locks
Under the constant pressure
Are as nothing
To the hurricane
On its release

Castle

Every time you hurt me
Wound me
Drag the burning knife
Across my soul
With a word
A picture
A simple look,
Every time, again
I raise a wall
A shield
To fortify my world


Until now
I look around
My small cocoon


Secure
But
Untouchable

Physician Heal Thyself

Yesterday it was reported in the news that the UK has the worst survival rates after serious trauma of any developed country. In fact our survival rates are as low as 16% whereas in America, a country oft slated for its health care, the rates are up to 43% (although this may be partly because they have more experience with serious trauma). So to hear the government patting themselves on the back this morning because the health service has £2 billion surplus this year does not seem quite right. There is only one way that a service can go from a massive deficit one year to a surplus the next and that is to be cutting that service to the bone. I don't want to hear that the NHS has a surplus, I want to know that every penny has been spent so that we can get the best from our taxes. Both deficit and surplus represent inappropriate spend and misuse of our money. Good use of a budget requires understanding what is available and spending correctly, investing in the correct areas. Missing budget, either positively or negatively, shows a failure in budgetary management (at best setting the budget incorrectly so that you can look good by coming under it, at worst fiscal incompetance).

Useless Information

For quite a few years I have been wondering why a car manufacturer would call its 4x4 "Touareg". I finally found out (thank you Radio 4). The touareg are a nomadic tribe who wander around the deserts.

Sometimes you find something you can't help but wish you'd written.

Down and Out

I am not a football fan. Rugby yes. Cricket yes. Ice hockey yes. Football no. Never have been. but watching the England Croatia match this evening was like watching a train crash in slow motion. It was rubber necking. It was impossible to tear away from even though I didn't understand the rules. I could understand enough to know that a score of 2-3 to Croatia was not good.

Pushing Daisies

You know, I kind of hoped it would be more

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Delicious!

Tokyo is now officially the place to go for food. It has overtaken Paris (sorry ratatooiee) as the city with the most Michelin stars. This is the sample menu from one of the three starred restaurants:

Funazushi Crucian carp pickled in salt for a month, washed, pickled again with cooked rice and matured for at least six months Takoyaki Octopus dumplings with chopped onions, cabbage and pickled ginger topped with Aonori seaweed or dried tuna
Koyadofu Tofu “freeze-dried” by a traditional method. Courses cost 25,000 yen (£111) each. Up to 11 may be taken

The carp sounds especially appetising! The Michelin man looks very happy in the picture but should probably be careful not to end up as sushi.

Fagins Rules

OK, I think I may start to keep a running log of exactly how many disasters and cock-ups can be achieved under the Brown reign. This one defies belief. What on earth were the Revenue doing putting all that data on to discs, something that the law prohibits them from doing, and then, even worse, sending it in the normal internal mail (actually there seems to be some confusion on exactly how it was sent, but obviously not by a secure route). Then keeping the loss quiet and not investigating until almost a month later. Apparently the Revenue service have managed to lose 41 laptops this year as well! The systems at Revenue seem to be waterlogged rather than water-tight, maybe a left over from the floods earlier this year.

Oops Upside Your Head

"I also love the way you say "society needs to learn how to work for the individual" - I would phrase it entirely the other way round - though I think that's what makes us so different politically...". This comment from my previous blog deserves a blog of its own. I love the fact that my friends will challenge my beliefs. Anyway, I think this is an interesting philosophy.

The two statements do reflect opposite ends of a spectrum. I believe that society, that is the "we", should be working towards getting the best from every individual and the way to do that is to recognise that each is an individual, with different things to offer. By "getting the best" I mean realising their potential, as I believe that is how people can feel valued and respect themselves. Turn that on it's head, to the individual working for society, and we move towards trying to make everyone and everything equal, and therefore moving towards the lowest common denominator, providing for people does not give them value and a position it just makes them think that they are owed something and the world is unfair.

Further and Higher

This post carries on from the last but is separate because I want to get a bit more philosophical.

I believe a lot of the problems arise from making the simple mistake of confusing "rights" with "should". We all have a right to further education but that doesn't mean we should all receive further education.

As a society we are failing when we think that attendance at university makes better people. Universities serve a purpose, which is one of education, and it should be aimed at results rather than simply assumed to be something that is good to do. Not everyone is cut out to be a vet or a doctor. That doesn't make them any better or worse. Actually those that do go to university can get very confused over this important detail, and then they can end up believing that they are better than those who don't attend (this is so drummed into them at an early stage, "you are in the top 0.5% of the countries intellence" etc that it isn't exactly their fault that the world becomes somewhat distorted).

Society needs to learn how to work for the individual and to recognise that each and every one of us is different. "I am not a number" is true in so many ways. To value what each of us can provide and not to rate each other based on what we do. To find ways to encourage peole and make them feel successful based on their needs and their desires, not to make them feel failures because they don't conform. Respect for our fellows shouldn't be based on their education.

So, yes, everyone should have the right to further education, but that doesn't mean that we should set a target and push people towards something that is not going to help them in the future (and may also end them in more debt, but that's a different blog). Give people the right to go, give them the freedom to decline.

Time To Leave

It isn't often that I am going to be agreeing with a Labour MP. So make the most of it. Frank Field, however, is a very intelligent man. At a time when labour seem to be pushing everyone to stay at school until 18, Frank Fields is putting forward the idea that we should let them leave at 14. He puts in a caveat that they must achieve a certain standard before they can leave, which makes a good deal of sense, but recognises that forcing people to stay at school not only doesn't help them but also disrupts those who do want to learn. This comes soon after I made some similar comments in my blog.

We already have problems with truancy. It is associated with those who are performing badly and find school heightens a feeling of failure rather than inspiring them for the furture. Will extra years at school help with this? No, of course not. We need to find ways to work with individuals, not simply to stamp a "standard" on the whole. We need to recognise that, for some, staying at school could be more damagng rather than of benefit.

Party

I have been known to use this blog to diss bad service. So it is only fair that I should give praise where due.

Last night I was at an event called "Music on the Menu". It was joint hosted between the Radisson Edwardian Heathrow and Prestige Promotions. Radisson provided the dinner, drinks, accomodation while Prestige provided the entertainment. Prestige have the motto "making an event an occasion" and they live up to it. The idea was that in between each course of the dinner we had entertainment using some of the acts that Prestige can call on. This included "Shoo Shoo Baby", "Barwizards" and "Stringfever". These were all very entertaining but top scores go to "Damon Scott and Bubbles" and "Cover Up". While Damon Scotts act sounds simple enough - he is a puppeteer - I swear that almost everyone at the dinner (and there were about 500 guests) had tears of laughter. "Cover Up" (sadly I can't find a link) played a mix of cover songs and had most of us up dancing despite the rather tight space.

I was there by myself, "J" wasn't able to come, but the Prestige team looked after me and everyone had such a great time that there was no problem finding people to chat with. I stayed up until 0315 hrs but then decided it was time to retire to bed as I had to drive home in the morning.

The following clip doesn't show just how good Damon Scott is, but it is still worth watching:

Together

Your hand
Reaching out
Fingers open
And we touch
An accident
Leading to a laugh
And knowing
It can lead to more
For once
An empty room
An empty night
Can at least
Be banished
For a few hours
Of warmth

Didn't Dodge

I failed to see Squeaks warnings in time. Phone rang. I answered. It's the vicar. Can I pretend to be an answer machine? No, probably too late for that. But he said it would be quite a while before he could arrange something, that's not fair, I wasn't ready for it. So he's coming around next Monday evening!

Amen

We don't go to church very often. Not as often as we should. But we do try to go to the 30 minute service that is held once a month. It is a special service for families with young children and it is very relaxed. No worries if your child makes a lot of noise or is disruptive (not that "A" is). "A" encourages us to go. Slightly worried today when we walk in and are asked to help distribute some leaflets before the ceremony. Obviously getting known now. More worried afterwards when the vicar asks if it is OK if he calls around some time. What can you say. "Yes, lovely to see you", while wondering what we will get roped into. (Especially concerned as they are just establishing a "mens group" to meet at the local pub every week!)

River

Clear
Cold
Crystal
Depths
Calling me
To plunge
Naked
To surrender
My all
Awake senses
In a burst
To experience
Everything
In a spark
Before drowning
In your body.

Bad Words

I am considering sueing for slander. 11 days ago I woke up with a swollen elbow. Well, woke up, I didn't really sleep much because my elbow was so painful during the night. I went into work and made a joke that I had golfers elbow from playing Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2008 (and that is obviously not Tiger Woods in the picture to the right) on the Wii. As the day progressed my elbow became more swollen. Next morning swelling slightly reduced (only three times bigger than it should be) so I went in to work but came home early because it was very painful. Now, I say came home early, but I came home and worked, it was simply more comfortable to use the laptop at home. After that I was not going to be in work (as in "in the office") for the rest of the week or this week anyway as I was working off-site. Note I WAS WORKING. Every single email I have received between then and now, every single phone call, has been answered. I repeat, I WAS WORKING.

Anyway, as to the elbow, I could use it, bend it, generally wave it around as normal, even play golf shots, but it was the back of my elbow that was three times bigger than it should be, burning hot and thickened, not the joint capsule but the soft tissue. I had an infection, cellulitis to be exact (advantage of being a vet, I can self-diagnose). By Friday I deceided it wasn't going to improve on its own and went to the doctor for antibiotics, who happily obliged and wondered why I hadn't come in earlier. So the Wii was vindicated, it wasn't an injury but infection.

Now back to what is happening at work while I am away. Rumours start. By the end of this week it turns out that everyone is saying I am off work sick because of playing on the Wii. I am fairly sure I know who the culprits are, one of whom is actually telling people I have a urinary infection (if you know how to pronounce Wii then you will understand). And I intend to sue for defamation of character. Can anyone point me to a good lawyer?

Eye On You

The other night I took some vets out for a meal. We went to a chinese restaurant. They were very proud of it, I think it was a highlight of the town. Although there was a menu you could just say "cook us a meal" and they would go off and devise something suitable. A six course meal in fact. Which included lobster. I have had lobster before. I like lobster. However I have never had lobster brought out and left in the middle of the table for ten minutes still alive. It was really a bit disconcerting. Trying to hold a conversation with someone while these lobster are in the corner of your eye, feelers nodding in agreement and expecting them to add to the discussion any minute. Now it didn't put me off, I think it is important that we accept where our food comes from, but it definitely went into the weird category of life.

Flying High

Go here to watch flight patterns which are stunning to watch (although possibly not recommended if you are going to be flying in the near future).

Credit Where Credit Is Due

*Kiss on the Forehead ----"Forever you will be mine"
*Kiss on the Ear ---"I'm horny"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---"We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"We belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips ---"I love you" OR "I want you"
*Kiss on the belly-----"lets have sex"

*Holding Hands ---"We can learn to love each other"
*A wink ---"Let's get it on"
*Slap on the Butt ---"That's mine"
*Playing with the Ear ---"I can't live without you"
*Holding on tight ---"Don't let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"Don't let go"
*Playing with Hair on Head ---"Tell me you love me"
*Arms around the Waist ---"I love you too much to let go"
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely comfortable with you"

--Advice--*Don't ask for a kiss, take one.
*If you were thinking about someone while reading this,you're definitely in Love (or strong like).

A Load of (Ed)

So a few days ago I posted the question about what are our children learning at school. Is this response by the government to raise the leaving age the real answer? Compulsory education to the age of 18. But if they aren't studying anything of value then is there any real point. And, as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. So you force our young adults to stay at school where they don't want to be. Are they really going to be learning, or are they just going to be a disruptive influence on those who want to learn?

I think a decent apprenticeship system would be much more beneficial. Let those who want to leave, leave. But give them something of value to do, help them to learn a trade (which at the moment seems to pay better than a lot of professions anyway). It isn't the leaving age that is the problem, it is the fact that people feels worthless.

Shakin Stevens

Well, not so much stevens as Gordon. I would imagine that Cameron is going to really start looking forward to Prime Ministers Questions. Brown is so easy to rile. And when he does get riled it shows so visibly. During the Queen's Speech today Gordon Browns hand could be seen shaking on the lectern. From his face you could see that he was struggling and immensely uncomfortable up there. This may have been something that he wanted for a long time but, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

My Spirit Animal

What is your spirit animal?

Hawk Spirit Your spirit animal is the Hawk. Perceptive, pragmatic and judgmental. With the spirit of the hawk, one is capable of great knowledge, though they may fall by neglecting the views of others.

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

Que?

Children at school are not learning languages. But for years we have been told they aren't studying the sciences. So what are they doing? If you aren't taking lessons in any of the key subjects then what is left? Are we producing school leavers who are able to pass citizenship and media studies because these are the easy subjects while we don't have those who can go ahead to be the future professions. Something isn't right in our schools (and it isn't the teachers).

Another Whisky

Early morning,
Hours ago
Bodies drifted
To each others arms,
Lights turning down,
One by one,
Barman
Washing glasses
With a look,
It's time to go,
But how to leave,
When all that's waiting
Is the cold
Night air,
Rain
And emptiness

Whizz Bang

Once again thanks to Zippie and "D" for organising the Support Bonfire Night. Hard to believe that a year has gone since the last. In fact that means I have been blogging for a year (734 entries in 12 months, maybe quantity is outweighing quality).

Anyway, a great night last night. As ever good to sit around watching fireworks, cracking jokes and generally relaxing. With "A" insisting on going around offering people sweets (we tell children not to accept sweets from strangers but it seems to be OK for her to offer sweets to strangers). A lot of innuendo, something about the amount of whoosh leading up to a big bang but I didn't understand any of it. And there is a story of someones attempts to get to the party following directions of someone who obviously didn't get their orienteering badge as a cub, but you need to go here as I won't steal the thunder.

Listen To The Children

You can never be sure how a conversation with a five year old will go, sometimes pearls of wisdom fall. I want "A" to grow up believing she can do anything, and especially that there is nothing boys can do that girls can't. In one of those reaffirming moments following a comment she had made I said "there is nothing that you cannot do". She replied "nothing without a kiss".

Which I think is very true, with someone who loves us behind us and supporting us then the world can never hold a challenge too great.

Hot or Not

At the risk of appearing shallow, this really worries me, I mean, where am I going to get my sauce from?

Tally Ho

Today is the first day of the hunting season. Which may seem strange since hunting has been banned. However the hunts still go out as the law has left them with opportunities to ride.

I want to make it clear that although I was brought up in the country and although I used to have a horse myself, I have never taken part in a hunt and I am completely ambivalent about it. I think the time spent on the bill against hunting was a disgrace because there are more important things that need sorting, not because I support hunting as such.

That said, I can now continue. So Anne Widdecombe is leading a vanguard to get hunt monitors. But she is proposing using those who are already out filming hunts and taking part in anti-hunt activities. I am afraid that this would just be a means of legalising vigilantes and seems to be very much the wrong way to go. The hunt may not be whiter than white, but neither are those on the other side. By calling them "monitors" it makes them sound like they are in charge of giving out milk, but these people are often violent and abusive.

Anne also said that flouting the law gave the wrong signals to society. Which seems a difficult thing to claim when two politicians, those trying to win the leadership of the Liberals, have just gone on record that they would do exactly that over identity cards.