Whoosh

As yet another evening seems to have disappeared I am lead to wonder if I simply need a better grasp of time or actually of reality in general.

Sleepy

Can anyone explain to me how a childs sleep patterns are dictated by weekdays vs weekends? I had to get up early on Saturday, around 0630hrs. I wasn't fully out of the bedroom when there was my daughter standing in front of me. She was awake and refused to go back to bed. I had to leave her playing on her computer rather than disturb mummy. Fast forward 48 hours. I get up at 0700hrs. I move around, I bang doors, I shout. By 0715 she still hasn't stirred out of her bed. When she does come down she can hardly see her way because her eyes are still closed. I can't get a word out of her because she is so tired. How does that happen? What is it in the air of weekends that make them get up?

Silence Please

We just watched "The Secret of Moonacre". Now, I would not actually recommend that you went and got it unless you have a 7 year old daughter but it had its remarkably perceptive moments. Such as when one character observes "suddenly seems .... very quiet" for another to reply "that would be the absence of the ladies then sir!"

Listen Up

It's no wonder I am not blogging as much, that there is a dearth of information here. For I have been seduced. Now, before you all run around spreading rumours, it is not quite as you may think. You see, I used to be a sensible boy. And every morning driving in to work, every evening returning home, I would listen to Radio 4. I was being educated. I was finding out about the world (well, and the Archers, but the principle holds true). But now, oh dear. Seduced I tell you. As my new car, my wonderful new car - did I tel you I have an Audi A5, oh, I did, OK on with the tale then - my car has a DAB radio. And no more do I listen to Radio 4. No, Absolute Radio has taken over, won a place in my world. I keep meaning to go back. My hand hovers on the dial (well the steering wheel controls anyway) but then something happens and I hesitate. And in the hesitation I am lost once again.

En Garde

I bought Wii Sports Resort the other day. Thought it might be fun. And it is. But the SwordPlay mode is almost addictive. As well as being excellent exercise! I've worked up as much as a sweat as I get in the gym. Three different variations on sword fights. The first is very reminiscent of Gladiators, for those of you who can remember the giant cotton buds that they used to hit each other with. In this case you have a sword and you are trying to push your opponent off the podium in to the sea. Then a variation which is about speed. Objects are dropped in front of you (giant sushi, logs, hard boiled eggs etc) and you ahve to cut them in the direction indicated. Then the final version is you against on-coming hordes and you have to battle your way across the bridge, along the beach etc. And all very samurai with music to suit. Wonderful.

Pedal Power

Part of our new found love of bikes was to start biking to rugby matches. There have been two home matches that we have been able to attend since this decision. Both we biked to. And for both the heavens decided to open and absolutely pour on us. What was probably even more galling today was that at half time it stopped raining. There was even blue sky. And it stayed that way until the final whistle. In fact until we walked out from the stadium. And then it started raining again. Not only raining but winds that could blow you off your bike. Can't say that "A" really enjoyed the ride back. But all credit to her she stuck it out. And I had to feel sorry for her, so cold.

Plus, it was all worth it. The Saints were playing the Saracens. The Saracens had a 100% unbeaten record. Until today that is when we hammered them!

Big Bang Theory

We went to watch some fireworks tonight. As many have. My daughter, all of 7 years old, is quite happy with the loud fireworks. Possibly, like me, she feels the louder the better. And there were some good, loud ones. Then one went off that was pretty, very pretty, but also quiet. And this voice floats up from my daughter, in an inredibly serious tone, "well that was never going to be good in my opinion".

Ball in

Midweek on Radio 4 this morning had Lawrence Dallaglio as a guest. During the trailer earlier in the morning Libby Purves wanted to wrap up the sound bite with a funny comment, as the presenters often do. I wonder if she really thought it through though, when she made a reference to it being a scrum and that she wanted "to be the hooker".

Cheese

I cannot believe that it is Wallace and Gromit 20th anniversary. I feel old all of a sudden.

Take This Sabbath Day

Should you find that the world, and whatever God you believe in, isn't listening to you then remember this parable from The West Wing:

You remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town, and that the all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." The waters rose up. A guy in a rowboat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you, you in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter was hovering overhead and a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray, I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?"

Yes, Well

Ask Not

I am no lover of the BNP or of Nick Griffin. I fact I find them fairly abhorrent. However I don't think that the BBC can be criticised for having him on Question Time. They have been condemned for giving him credence, for acknowledging him. Unfortunately the system has already done that. It wasn't the BBC. If it is legal for the BNP to run in elections, if the BNP can have members voted successfully as MEPs, then we have to recognise them. We can ask oourselves why, we can wonder why lessons haven't been learned previously, we can despair. But we have to open our eyes and see that people are voting for them. We have to see that somewhere our society is messing up so badly that ordinary people think that it is right and necessary to give their vote to the hatred.

The BBC has helped us face up to our fears. This is correct, we should not bury our heads in the sand. We cannot ignore what is happening. But we can expose it for what it is and remove the gloss that lies over it.

Running To Stand Still - U2

Mr Herriot!

What an interesting day. Long, and I now wear the unmistakeable odour of "vet" which I have not had for many years. But interesting.

I went to spend a day out with a "real" vet, ie one still in practice rather than being in industry. Normally this means I am able to lean on gates, chat to the farmer, ask the vet a few sensible questions, then go home. It was clear from the start that this particular vet thought I should get my hands dirty. The second visit was to a calving. Except it turned out that it was going to have to be a caesarian. Just as I was about to say "great, I'll grab my camera and get some photos" I suddenly saw a gown being thrown toward me and heard the vet telling me to scrub in. For a moment I thought he was joking, but the look on his face was enough to know he wasn't. So soon I found myself elbow deep in the abdomen of a cow, something I haven't done for about 9 years. Later, on another farm, I was to be found kneeling in cow s**t, collecting ejaculate from a bull. This is something I studiously avoided doing while I was in practice, so was a real shock. And I promise you, just looking at the electro-ejaculator would bring tears to your eyes.

It was all great fun. I don't want to go back in to practice, but I really enjoyed the day.

And one of the farmers was an ex-Spitfire pilot. How amazing is that!

Slow Down

A friend sent an email to the Highways Agency complaining about the variable spped signs on the M1, and that they were almost INvariably slowing down the traffic. The following is their response, and my comments are after!

Thank you for your e-mail to the Highways Agency Information Line today and thank you for taking the time to comment on our Variable Message Signs (VMS). The Highways Agency values the feedback we receive from the travelling public as this is our primary source of identifying how effective our signs are at keeping drivers informed.

On the busiest parts of the motorway network, VMS are set using an automated system called MIDAS (Motorway Incident Detection and Automatic Signalling). MIDAS uses sensors in the road to detect incidents or congestion and then automatically sets advisory reduced speeds (e.g. 60, 50, 40 mph) and warning messages (e.g. Queue Caution) on VMS.

MIDAS has a number of functions, principally safety related with queue protection being one such example. The system provides advance warning to drivers of the formation of queues on motorways, warning drivers who are approaching the back of queuing traffic. Sensors in the road surface detect slowing traffic speeds and electronic signs advise drivers to reduce speeds as they approach the scene. These messages remain until the traffic flow returns to normal and it can appear that the message is incorrect because there is no queuing traffic when you arrive at the scene.

There is also a secondary benefit to reducing the speed of vehicles approaching queuing traffic. Reducing the volume of traffic in an area of congestion means the congestion clears quicker. The result is that the traffic approaching the area where the congestion was will no longer be delayed in their journey by the congestion.

During changing traffic conditions (such as when congestion is dissipating or an incident is being cleared) there is a time lag between traffic returning to normal flows and MIDAS switching off. This is designed to prevent MIDAS switching on and off at regular intervals in stop/start conditions. In addition, MIDAS often detects slow moving vehicles (usually heavy goods vehicles on hills) and advisory speed limits are set automatically, although this may not be obvious to other motorists.

Should you have any further questions about the above issue(s) or any other Highways Agency related issue(s) please do not hesitate to contact us again via e-mail or telephone us on 0845 7 50 40 30.

So, do I think that I might have some comments. Apart from struggling to believe the MIDAS system even exists, how unsuitable is traffic flow to try and automate!

I love the fact that MIDAS will switch off once the flow returns to normal. But the flow can't return to normal if MIDAAS is on because it is telling us to go slowly. The only way flow can return to normal is for us all to think f**k this for a game of soldiers and start going faster than the signs tell us.

They even recognise that to ease congestion you need to reduce the volume of traffic. So how does slowing us all down, meaning that we spend longer in the zone, actually do that. Cars are approaching the zone at 70mph. Therefore the feed in is fast, but the flow through is slow. If I turn on taps and the water coming in is faster than that going out of the plug do you think my bath might overflow. Doesn't take a great mind to see a fault in their logic.

If feedback from the pblic is the primary source for them to identify how effective their signs are, do you think that they will now have identified that they are completely ineffective.!

On Your Bike

There's a new poster in the mens locker room at the gym. It is of a beautiful brunette sitting on a bike exerciser in a long red flowing dress that covers the saddle area. She has a very big smile on her face. The strapline is "more pleasure, less pain".

Now do I need to get my mind out of the gutter or does anyone else see an innuendo there!

Shining Star

I am placed in a dilemma. I am a Conservative. You have already worked that one out from previous posts haven't you. So I should be pleased that The Sun has switched allegiance from Labour. This should be good news, after all it will bring a raft of new voters (like it or not The Sun has historically been shown to have great influence). But, I would have to say that this is good news through gritted teeth, as this also means my views reflect those of The Sun. Which is terrible. Unbearable. I may have to become a Lib Dem. No, actually, nothing is that bad. {Merlin gets ready to be pelted by rotten tomatoes}

Hear Ye Hear Ye

Some things can really bug me, probably to a disproportionate level. One of those is heard on the morning news, not infrequently. It is when a news item starts "x is to announce today that y will happen". Typically where x is a politician or political body and y is a new document or position paper or policy. This bugs me not because I disagree with the y (whatever it is) but because if it is a news item in the morning then IT IS ALREADY ANNOUNCED!!!!!!!!!!! The infomration is out there, in the public domain becasue we are being told about it. x can't then announce it, all they can do is explain it in greater detail. Arrgh

Amnesia

I heard something on the news this morning that I wanted to blog about. I nearly sent myself an email as a reminder (from work to home, not quite as mad as it sounds) but thought I didn't need to. Now I realise I did need to as I ahve absolutely no idea what it was. This is not good, old age is setting in.

Crash and Burn

If you want an example of how money corrupts then look no further than sport at the moment. The bloodgate incident was a shock in itself. That a rugby player would have a blood capsule on his person to bite into if he needed to come off to allow a replacement on is bad enough. That the physio then cut the players cheek so there was a wound is even worse. But this pales into insignifiance when viewed alongside Renault and the F1 crash. I can't work out if Piquet himself suggested crashing in order to help his team-mate, or whether it was a Renault idea. Whoever thoguht it up should have known better, and no-one should have agreed to go along with it. The number of people put at risk is unimagineable. So for Renault to get off with a suspended sentence is a joke. It shows that the industry is more concerned about money than the rights and wrongs of an action. Clearly motor racing has always been a sport fraght with danger, but that doesn't mean that anyone should get blase about it.